Guitar Circle Journals

And here we are.

But we are always here, aren’t we? It’s not as if there is anywhere else we can be.

Despite the 12+ months of advance notice, I was startled when the GC website declared “Guitar Craft has ceased to exist.”

Five years ago, we were cleaning up and departing Camp Lebanon. Nine years ago, the New Jersey Guitar Circle gave its second public performance. Eleven years ago, I was at a ProjeKct Three concert when RF declared the 14th anniversary of Guitar Craft.

The morning began well, and I am home for a bit. I got to take the 4-year-old to school, which is a rare treat for me. Now, the 1-year-old is hungry.

Many thanks to and for: Guitar Craft, the GC community, the wider network of friends and supporters, and special thanks to David for the site.

And, suddenly, we have one day to go.

As at-a-distance experiences go, my sense of connection to the course was strong at the beginning, weak for a few days, and today feels strong again. This is a report on my sense of connection, not the connection itself.

Once again, a struggle to get out of bed. We are entering allergy season for me. I am hoping that this will remain mild for a few more days, until I can see a doctor.

Light traffic, easy parking, an office with a reduced population: it is as if much of the world has opted to stay home today. Strange.

From out of nowhere, I remembered a moment from around 2003-2004. I had an opportunity to help someone, and my reaction was ungenerous. Shame, shame.

This afternoon I found myself stuck in a negative discussion. I struggled to remain quiet, but could not find an easy way out.

The work day has been productive. Lots of code written. This is a rare day when I am able to spend most of my time doing what I was ostensibly hired to do.

An easier day than yesterday, so far. I was very tired when I awoke, and adopted a strategy before my shower that I haven’t used in years: a few minutes of rest in a well-lit place. The light makes it less likely that I’ll actually fall asleep, but the few minutes of rest makes a difference in my capacity to function.

I’ve been revisiting some GC aphorisms over the past few days. I understand some of these quite differently than I used to; I understand some of them just as much as I used to, which is not very much. One that I hadn’t seen some time, that jumped out at me: Suffering of quality is invisible to others.

I found myself poised 50/50 with the JFTD: will it be done? I could not get a sense of a clear Yes or No, so I chose Yes. And once a commitment is made…

The ongoing birthday celebrations continue, and hey – today is actually someone’s birthday!

I missed an opportunity yesterday morning when my body woke up. I recognized a certain kind of energy, but I did not actualize it. So it goes.

My mother left our home this morning, to return to her home.

The work day has been quite difficult – all manner of technical problems, and people have somehow learned to look to me to solve them. How did we come to this point?

I have been asked to make suggestions for a radio program that will feature Guitar Craft-related music. I pulled out several CDs to listen to, but I am not in the right head space. I cannot hear the Music right now. So, I listed some long-time favorites, and if there is time this week I will make some more suggestions.

Birthday celebrations continue, with lots of family around. The weather is sunny and warm and lovely.

It’s party day!

(11 hours later) Party day was a success!

Another long, late night for the adults in the house, followed by an early rise.

I’ve been thinking about two people, not related to GC, who are experiencing the repercussions of years of a certain kind of behavior. From the outside it looks like this: They have, over time, eroded the good faith and good will others had for them, and now those in a position to provide help would rather not. This is sad, but from where I sit it is also inevitable. I think the word “lawful” applies here.

Looking forward to party preparations on this warm and sunny day.

A busy blur of a day, in the middle of a busy blur of a week. I haven’t had a week like this in quite some time.

In the middle of the busy blur last night I noticed a reaction to stress that could lead to injury in the neck, shoulders and arms. This has happened before. I paused, reminded myself to breathe, and considered moving quickly, but without stress. Yes, there is a lot to do, but moving quickly without stress will be sufficient – it is not necessary to accelerate the tempo to the point of risking injury.

Celebrating a birthday in the family.

Each day this week I have reached point between 4 and 8 PM where I am nearly delirious with exhaustion. Life could be worse, of course, and this is a challenge.

We are enjoying the sunny and warm weather.

Many of my GC friends and family en route to Italy

A small miracle: I had been avoiding somebody’s latest point of debate, because I just couldn’t figure out how to address it. He came to me, presented me with a few examples, and we came to an agreement.

There is hope yet for world peace.

The day begins later than planned – after the weekend’s power outages I accidentally set my clock to be 12 hours off. That means that the alarm, which was actually set for the correct time, wasn’t going to go off any time this morning. Nevertheless, a full round of morning practice was achieved. Ha.

The work day is extraordinarily busy. Nonstop action. Negotiations, education, looking at the short-term future.

I took the 3-year-old to a birthday party yesterday. He found the experience intimidating, and mostly kept to himself. The “party rooms” were busy, poorly-lit, and very noisy. I could see him getting overwhelmed, and even sleepy in response to the excess stimuli. He would not join the other kids and I had to keep him entertained for most of the party. I struggled with a variety of emotions until I came to see that it was a question of his needs versus my wants. Then it became very easy.