Guitar Circle Journals

Difficult night for the baby = difficult night for the family. Even the three-year-old slept in, which is very rare.

I have spent the entire work day hunting down money that appears in location but not another. This involves a lot of repetitive filtering, comparing, computing and correcting. After a day of progress, my latest check shows that I’m backsliding. Time to call it a day, as my brain dribbles out of my ear.

A good call from Hell, with some interesting details from the weekend.

Most of the day is spent under the influence of exhaustion. This persists even as I go out into the sub-freezing weather to play. I went to bed with a persisting bad attitude, but I awoke during the night and was able to let this go.

Lots of family time today. The children are competing for their parents’ attention.

As is often the case, a major snowstorm throws our plans and schedules into a state of minor higgledy-piggledy.

A theme from yesterday, which continues to reverberate: What do we do when something has gone off-course?

The day begins strangely. I remember setting my alarm last night, but I don’t remember turning it off. Nevertheless, I awoke, a little bit late, and the alarm was off.

As I shut the door to the baby’s room she woke up. I cursed, quietly, and went downstairs to heat a bottle. I went upstairs to feed her and accepted that the only option for the Practice of Doing Nothing was to do it while holding a small child and her bottle.

The usual family routines followed, and I went to work. I had been hoping for a phone call last night that did not materialize. I thought about possible scenarios that I had hoped for as a result of this call. I realized that receiving the call/not receiving it was not an excuse. That is, I held myself accountable for my own decision. I made the decision. As I pulled into my parking space I decided to wait a minute to let a song on my iPod play out. The song ended, and the phone rang. The call came at the best possible time. It’s a sign!

The energy at work is strange. Severe winter weather is anticipated and many people are expecting to be allowed to leave early. As it turns out, the weather is delayed.

A late lunch (for me) with the GC team working about 15 miles south of the office. I haven’t been on a course, physically, in four years. It was good see some people again, and meet others for the first time. One person I met has was active before I came to GC, but we had never connected.

Back at work, I have to decline a request for help. That is, once I see what’s involved, I know that there is no way I can provide the support that is needed. So it goes.

Five years ago today I shut down my journal at guitarcraft.com. I learned a hard lesson about what is and is not appropriate for public posting. There was one particular incident, fueled by one particular person which, so to say, broke the camel’s back. This person has never been, as far as I know, affiliated with GC. I wonder what they learned.

I have been planning to visit the local GC course this weekend, but there is a serious threat of heavy snow that day. I placed a phone call this morning to Hell and we shall see if it is possible to change my reservation.

I realized this morning that, with a few gaps along the way, I have been journaling online for over 10 years. The current commitment goes to March 25 of this year, for reasons that probably won’t surprise the reader.

While writing an email today I found myself pausing every few minutes in order to refrain from typing what I really wanted to type. Lift the hands from the keyboard, pause, breathe, begin again.

The alarm went off early-ish. I saw the moment in which I had a choice to get up on time. I made my choice.

The work day has been challenging. There is so much that can be learned from watching people interact.

My GC radar has been going off this afternoon. I have an idea about what this is related to, but I don’t hold that idea too tightly.

The alarm clock was set to “quite early.” I didn’t get up at the “quite early” time, but still early enough to do what I needed to do. After the morning sitting, some time was given to setting goals. I have returned to this practice this year, and I am allowing myself to experiment with it. Which goals were met, which weren’t, which should be carried over, which should be revised, which should be dropped . . . all of this is in experimental mode. I consult as much of the whole of me as I can, and give it my best shot.

Another experiment with the resident toddler has also been successful. We have encouraged him to get out of bed and call to us if he needs to use the toilet, and he has responded to our encouragement.

Physically, the day is not so much fun. I don’t know why, but I am unusually hungry. I am also fighting off head and eye aches. It occurred to me yesterday that it is time for an eye exam. It’s been six years.

My sense-of-date is still screwy. For at least the last two weeks I thought the end of the month was Monday.

Weird energy in the house today. The toddler has a major meltdown, possibly the most intense to date. A privilege is taken away, but he is given the opportunity to earn it back.To his credit, he does just that.

Both children became very tired and wanted to eat and nap an hour early. Who am I to argue?

Awake for nearly 8 hours, believing it was January 29. No harm done so far. The morning has been oriented towards family. In the late morning two of us head to the local music store. I will be lending my guitar to a friend next week, and I would like to clean and prepare it as best as I can. We are disappointed to find that it is no longer possible to play on the floor model drum kits. Even the piano department, which must have 50 or more instruments, has a touch-only-if-you-are-ready-to-purchase vibe. In a music store?

In the afternoon I do some work on the business of the future. In particular, my business and my future.